Stop settling for the crumbs

Late last week I found myself in the city, with hours up my sleeve and the rare chance to have extended time do some window shopping, try on clothes and walk around aimlessly looking at all the pretty things.

For as long as I can remember, I’ve always been really limited in where I can, not only buy from, but try things on that I know will fit my body. But as a plus size girly, you build up an internal catalogue of the places that you can at least attempt to try things on in. Once upon a time, I would have been too intimidated to even walk into a shop that stopped at a size 14. Knowing full well that nothing would fit, it seemed pointless to even browse because clearly, I wasn’t welcome.

However, as I’ve gotten older, I have very few fucks left to give, I don’t let retail spaces intimidate me, and I will enter those shops and browse because I like to look at nice things.

I tried on lots that day. It was my first time trying on from Forever New Curve and while most of them fit pretty well- they weren’t really my vibe. However, I think it’s a good option to check out if you are needing to buy something off the rack in a bricks and mortar shop.

I walked through David Jones: looking at Zimmerman, Aje, Mink Pink, Max Mara, Bec and Bridge, Alemais, Carla Zampatti and Loewe to name a few. I’m definitely not welcome there which was underscored by being completely ignore by staff. Except the Zimmerman girlies, they were lovely.

I looked in H&M (their plus size section has vanished), Review, Peter Alexander and Uniqlo just to name a few. I especially like to touch, feel, look at the fabric and suss out the workmanship.

Because there’s an oversized trend happening at the moment, I found a few pieces like this and while holding it up to myself, have the thought race through my mind, ‘I could potentially fit into this.’ even though the size label was no more than a 14.

I ended up at Dangerfield and Gorman. Two places that feature in my internal catalogue of places that I might just be able to squeeze into. I do love Dangerfield- I always have.

Everything I tried on was a flop. The one thing that I could do up was a quilted, tie up vest. I really liked it. Then thought about how I’d wear it. More thought led to realise that I wouldn’t wear it. And then I questioned whether I did really like it or was it just that it fits.

Onto Gorman. More oversized styles. Brilliant. They’ll fit, I thought. First, a pant and shirt set that was a Alemais knock off. They both fit over my body. The buttons did up on the shirt and the pants fit around my waist. Three dresses all fit over my body. That familiar feeling set in. What a score, a fluke if you will! What a relief and how lucky am I to find something that actually fits me. I need to buy them immediately.

But actually, while they did fit over me, something else occurred after that initial dopamine rush. The pants were so tight on my arse crack, it felt like an unforgiving 90’s G Banger. While the buttons on the shirt did up, I couldn’t move my arms freely because there was something weird going on in the armholes. The dresses puckered across the bust because it was too tight, and I had to hitch the skirt section over a fabric belt so I could move freely.

Now once upon a time, I would have bought everything. Then, days and weeks later while I was deciding on what to wear, I would try those things on, look at myself from different angles in the mirror at home, attempt to readjust how it was sitting, and then take it off because it was uncomfortable, didn’t fit properly and actually looked weird. I would end up never wearing those things.  My wardrobe became full of these pieces.

I took nothing home with me that day except that familiar pang of sadness, feeling of being excluded, self-loathing and the belief that I was the problem. In a flash though, that feeling came and went because fuck that and fuck those brands with their continual, poorly made crumbs that they keep throwing us.

When I hosted that plus size pop up event last November. (in case you missed it, it was a pop-up retail event featuring 7 independent inclusive sized fashion labels) I tried on so many things from each label- (I posted the try on videos) and was able to find all the things that fit me.

I remember at that pop up event, someone saying to me that as a size 24/26 woman, there is no shop in town that they could ever go into and then walk away with three new outfits that they love as much as what they had just bought at the pop up that day.

There are so many independent brands designing and manufacturing for bodies just like ours, yet we keep wasting our time and money with big-name brands that make us feel unwelcome. The dopamine rush of finally fitting into something and in turn feeling accepted is such a hard trap to break out of when it comes to brands that continue to throw the crumbs.

These brands may not have the flashy budgets or big-store presence of the industry's giants, but they’re creating clothes with authenticity, inclusion, and all bodies in mind.

Don’t waste your time or money, trying to squeeze into brands that only throw you crumbs. Find the ones that wholeheartedly embrace and celebrate you instead.